Confidence

Your self-confidence is a unique thing. While some are happy and confident to ride a unicycle around town (yes, really) others are uncomfortable at the thought of public transport, going shopping, giving presentations or struggle with relationships.

Your self-confidence is inextricably linked to your self-esteem and your self-esteem developed when you were very young.

Ultimately, we have decided who loves us, what we are worth to the world and the people around us by the time we can walk and talk (some say earlier.) If you had loving parents and yet have low self-esteem then something, somewhere (else) may have had a significant effect on your ability to value yourself in high esteem and this directly impacts on your self-confidence. More so, if you haven’t had loving parents or would-be care-givers, then you’re more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and low self-confidence. This may go back generations, so grand-parent to parent behaviours are also at large here.

Eric Berne, a psychiatrist during World War 2 researched and followed Freud’s work on ‘the ego’ and then developed the ‘ego state model.’ This forms part of a thoery known as ‘Transactional Analysis’. This work can help us to look closely at our negative thinking and behaviours; why we do it, how to understand it and either stop it or turn it into a positive action for our well-being.

Whilst we don’t need to be the epitome of self-confidence; having some makes our life a little bit easier.  As we go through life, our confidence level can be negatively affected by any of the following:

• receiving criticism
• being close to negative people for example; being in a controlling and coercive relationship
• negative inner dialogue
• poor self-image
• not achieving previously set goals
• loss of a loved one
• the break-up of a relationship
• a traumatic event

If you feel you have low self-esteem and low self-confidence; please get in touch to see if we can work together to find ways to improve these vital elements of your life.